i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
