I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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