Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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