My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
