I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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