Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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