Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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