the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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