Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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