I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
