I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
