I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
