they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
