Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dick very happy bro
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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