Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
where are you?
Hypothermia
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
