You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
