all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The adults are the big ones right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
