quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i need some magic done to my vagina
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
