i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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