just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
