we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
