Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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