I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
