I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
