That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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