he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
