This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
