3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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