Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
