Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
