look no pants
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
