I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
