I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
