Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
