Only a mothe r could love this liver
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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