anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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