Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
