i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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