everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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