i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
