My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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