i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
