I'm gonna have a badass scar
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
