On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
