great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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