So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
