Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
