dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
