last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
