When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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