I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
