Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
