So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
