Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
