how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
