when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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