i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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