well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
