at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
