$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
