is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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