if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
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Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize