I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
