yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
