I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
