did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
