we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
