Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize