Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
