While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
