I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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