My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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