Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
tell me about the eggs
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