Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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