I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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