It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
