There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
