so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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